1. Are you offended by this website?
2. Do you SUCK at Djing, playing music, making art or doing anything creative?
3. Do you only talk about YOU?
4. Do you carry a pinned flared shoulder strap messenger bag (with a seat belt clip), a fanny pack, tight ass black or blue jeans, some retro band t-shirt and white rimmed sunglasses?
5. Did you get your haircut at Bishops and have a mullet, mo-hawk or rat tail you redneck wannabe?
6. Do you often say “You don’t know who (insert a band with 5 fans here) is?”?
7. Do you own dusty records released by indie labels such as Hush, Audio Dregs, Holocene Music, Lucky Madison, Tender Loving Empire, or Fluff and Gravy?
8. Do you own brand new Converse shoes, sparkling white cowboy boots or dress shoes that Enoch Thompson wouldn’t even wear?
9. Do you talk shit about your friends’ band when they are on stage?
10. Do you have LOW SELF ESTEEM and maintain a pathetic facade of confidence by making fun of others?
11. Do have a bike with no gears which you ride 1/2 a mile because the bike sucks?
12. Do you have a PBR in your left hand right now?
13. Is the black die in your Mick Jagger haircut showing blonde roots?
14. Do you even know what a reverb pedal does or how to hold a paintbrush?
15. Do you have an array of unread dusty books neatly placed on your homemade shelf and pretend to be intellectual about literature…well…because reading is cooler than video games?
16. Do you spend more time on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook than masturbating?
17. Are you thinking, right now, that you actually might be a HIPSTER?